Know Your Candidates

Here are the scouting reports on your next possible Senators:

Sonny Angara (7/15/72, London School of Economics, Harvard Law)- Sonny is the hunk in the group but he’s not just a pretty face. He attended LSE and some law school which probably overqualifies him to be Senator. He first burst into the national scene as one of the spokesmen for the Corona prosecution. Sonny hopes Filipinos will vote alphabetically.

Bam Aquino (5/7/77, Ateneo)- Bam is banking on his name, his cousin and his glasses to woo two million Filipino Justin Timberlake fans. A rising star, he is expected to run for President against Jun-Jun Binay in 2022.

Nancy Binay (5/12/73, UP)- By the standards of its current crop, Nancy is eminently qualified to be in the Senate. She hopes to fill one of the empty spots in the family trophy room which currently houses a Vice-President, a Congressman and a Mayor. Still missing are President and Councilor but the collection should be completed in 2016 when the eldest Binay grandchild comes of age.

Alan Cayetano (10/28/70, UP, Ateneo Law)- Alan likes to play the independent fiscalizer so he is nobody’s pet unless PNoy offers to endorse his VPship in ’16. With Pia he is a buy one-get two Senate deal which helps in the close calls. His wife is running for Taguig mayor and his brother for Congressman so the dynasty is coming along nicely.

JV Ejercito (12/26/69, La Salle)- ‘A name, a name, my kingdom for a name’, that sums up JV’s campaign unless it is ‘A brother, a brother, my kingdom for a brother’. Is the Senate big enough for two male siblings? Jinggoy is seemingly shaking his head. Erap better stick around.

Jack Enrile (7/16/58, Christian Heritage College, Pepperdine)- Jack has been remarkably cool despite having everything including the kitchen sink thrown at him. He says he is a changed man and his own person. The public will let him know in a week.

Chiz Escudero (10/10/69, UP, Georgetown Law)- Chiz has brains and a Heart although the Ongpaucos disagree. He seems to have weathered the drunken cupid thing. He is hoping for number one to boost his VP bid in 2016. He has the rare combination of being liked by Noynoy and Jojo which is odd.

Gringo Honasan (3/14/48, PMA)- Gringo has had an amazing shelf life, the question is whether he is past it. His mentor is JPE who unfortunately needs to make room for Jack. Gringo is backed by the bishops which kinda works both ways.

Risa Hontiveros (2/24/66, Ateneo)- Risa is accomplished, attractive, caring, hard working, honest and intelligent i.e. everything Senators should be but are not. That she has struggled to rank –but is now gaining traction- is a puzzle. Perhaps she is polished to a fault. She needs to personalize her compelling life story, a widow of a military man raising four kids on a pension while serving the nation. Plan B would be to date the President but it better be soon.

Loren Legarda (1/28/60, UP Diliman)- Loren will, politically, date most anybody (except Alan): She ran for Senator with FVR, for Vice-President with Fernando Poe and Manny Villar; and now is guest candidate of UNA and Team Pinoy. She is popular and a looker with no outrageous signs of genetic modification. She could star in Cougars except she likes smart, older men which works for me.

Jun Magsaysay (6/5/38, La Salle)- The return of Jun to the Senate would be welcome. He has experience, maturity and integrity. Voters, it is Jun, I repeat Jun Magsaysay, in case you are wondering about the other Magsaysay.

Koko Pimentel (1/20/64), Ateneo, UP Law)- Koko wonders what it is like to serve a full Senate term. His bailiwick is Mindanao where people don’t generally beat their wives. Other than securing a Senate seat and Migz not, Koko is most interested in how Chiz lands the hot babes.

 Grace Poe (9/3/68, Boston College)- Grace should win despite ignoring Kris’ advise about some make-up. Grace is the older sister you always wanted. May she remain untouched by the temptations of high office and stick with no make-up.

Sonny Trillanes (8/6/71, PMA, La Salle)- There is no truth Sonny’s campaign is being financed by China. He is competing with Gringo for the military vote and is doing well despite the Smart money against him. Sonny thinks the Senate is a nicer place to hang out than a jail cell or the Manila Peninsula.

Cynthia Villar (7/29/50, UP, NYU)- Cynthia is living proof money cannot buy a Senate seat but it really, really helps. She also is testimony that in politics there are no permanent enemies, only permanent interests. She is now ‘chika-chika’ with Jamby despite the latter’s past maligning of her husband. Oh, Manny ran against the President in 2010 but so what.

Migz Zubiri (4/13/69, UP Los Banos, UP)- Migz wants to prove he can win without outside help. He should ask Koko if they can share Mindanao. Migz hopes the public will not vote alphabetically.

So there you are, the top contenders for the Senate. Vote your conscience, your  pocketbook, your religion, your sexual preference or your children’s future; but vote because that is what it is there for.

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About Leo Alejandrino

The blog is principally a commentary on Philippine politics and economics.
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2 Responses to Know Your Candidates

  1. Mars Mejilla says:

    I like the witty presentation on Nancy Binay. The reality behind it though is not funny.

  2. John Forbes says:

    Would be great to have equally trenchant comments by Leo on some of the other candidates, i.e. Casino, Conjuangco, Gordon, Hagedorn, Maceda, Madrigal, Magsaysay, M. etc.

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