Noy’s Revenge?

The media can be single minded.

Even as President Aquino was excited to report on the APEC meeting in Japan, the press only wanted to know: Is he dating Liz Uy, 28, as announced by his non-spokesperson Boy Abunda?

Yes, he relented: “We have been spending some time together as our schedules allow it but I guess at this point that is the extent of it.”

Translation: They are dating but have probably not gone the distance.

P-Noy’s revelation may be a reaction to Shalani, 30, becoming a co-host in Willing Willie. Willie supported Villar in the last election.

Uy was dating John Lloyd, the country’s hearthrob, until he left her for Ruffa Gutierrez. (I can see her now thumbing her nose at John).

To detract from the intensity of their relationship- the couple texted each other “once or twice” during his trip which is remarkable considering how expensive roaming can be- the President revealed that “ he had been meeting a lot of people also”.

This has been confirmed by parents whose pretty 20-something daughters have been approached by P-Noy or, more accurately, by his representatives.

The matter has still not reached epidemic proportions although the Dept. of Social Welfare has reportedly issued an advisory to attractive females between 24-30: To avoid being at risk, please refrain from any social gathering where the President may be in attendance.

Malacañang, and this is true, has also issued an order banning women in skimpy dresses from the Palace grounds, the presumption being that women in such attire were roaming the neighborhood. The President’s advisers want him to stay on message and keep his eye from roving which, it is said, it is wont to do.

Healthy sexuality is apparently in the Aquino DNA, with examples to prove it.

When asked to comment, the Papal Nuncio said it is fine for the bachelor President to mess around as long as, one, these women are themselves unmarried; two, he does not stray below 18 years of age; and, three, he adheres to the natural method.

Girls eager to meet P-Noy should email Susan Reyes, his Social Secretary at and attach a clothed, non-photoshopped, full body picture: They should be young, demure, of medium height, fully formed with nice eyes and legs, preferably with backgrounds in media, politics or entertainment; and endearing to Josh and Baby James.

According to Noy, being a good conversationalist also helps.

I wonder what 20-something girls and a fifty-year old President talk about. Poverty alleviation, currency imbalances and their impact on trade protectionism or fashion, malling, and the cuteness of Taylor Lautner?

Here might be a typical conversation:

(He) – Just met these really nice world leaders over the weekend.
(She)- Yeah, Tito, I saw you on TV. They seemed like a bunch of old farts.
(He)- Don’t say that, hija. Mai Mislang commented that way on the Vietnamese and, boy, did she get it.
(She, slightly jealous)- Tito, did you watch Shalani on Willing Willie?
(He, slightly annoyed)- I did secretly by satellite feed from Yokohama. She is being compared to Princess Diana.
(She) -Tito, who is Princess Diana?
(He)- Oh, she was before your time. Like Princess Grace of Monaco.
(She)- Never heard. By the way, been thinking about your hair, Tito. Maybe you should, kinda, just shave it, kinda forget the makeover. It’s really quite OK, macho.
(He)- Like Kojack?
(She)- Who is Kojack?
(He)- Never mind. Can we stop talking about my hair? I am trying to concentrate.
(She)- Tito, last. How do I address you in public?
(He)- My beloved President is fine.

It is clear what a 5o year old male finds in a 28 year old female but how does the reverse happen? How do you go from John Lloyd to an arguably unhealthy contemporary of your Dad? All 50-something and above Filipinos want to know.

It helps that, as Shalani once said, Noy can be “quite bagets”.

It also helps if you are President of the Philippines.

If P-Noy arrives at the same conclusion we are in trouble as a nation. This means Noy will want to stay beyond 2016 and the only way for that is Charter Change.

To maintain his appeal, Noy may have to support GMA in changing the Constitution and we all know what that means.

Hopefully in 6 years the President will be physically exhausted and it will not be a problem.

Meanwhile, Annabelle Rama has sent word Ruffa is prepared to switch partners if that works for Liz.


About Leo Alejandrino

The blog is principally a commentary on Philippine politics and economics.
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1 Response to Noy’s Revenge?

  1. Len says:

    mwahahaha… loved that conversation!

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