This is a multiple-choice test:
Q1 – Ma’am Jenny has been charged with kidnapping and plunder, offenses so serious they are not eligible for bail. Why is she confined in the comforts of Fort Sto. Domingo instead of a jail befitting her supposed crimes?
A. Jenny is in danger. It is the duty of the State to protect all citizens regardless of race, creed, weight, sexual preference or wealth.
B. Jenny is an important witness who must be treated with love and affection.
C. Jenny could implicate friends of the Administration. Malacanang must be the first (and only one) to know when that happens.
D. Jenny is footing all the bills.
Q2 – If Jenny’s testimony is so critical why was it not part of the 750,000 pages of plunder documents against Enrile, Revilla, Estrada & Co.?
A. Jenny has still to depose. She is tired and is currently resting.
B. Jenny is a victim of mistaken identity and has nothing to say.
C. Jenny is still negotiating the terms of her plea bargain.
Q3 -What is Jenny asking for?
A. She is demanding no restitution of monies, no jail sentence, income tax amnesty, guaranteed investment opportunities; and a gag on media. In return she is prepared to apologize to lawmakers for any stress she may have inflicted.
B. For the President to date her daughter Jeane.
C. Her lawyer.
D. Her Mommy.
Q4 – What is the Government offering?
A. Suspended sentence in return for restitution of monies plus interest and affidavits against all Opposition leaders.
B. Death by stoning.
C. Exile in a tax-haven of her choice.
Q5 – How does Jenny like Fort Sto. Domingo?
A. She thinks the food sucks.
B. She wants to know why wi-fi is not complementary.
C. Ritz Carlton is better.
Q6 -Who is allowed to visit Jenny?
A. Her immediate family and lawyers.
B. Any Senator or Congressman who so requests.
C. Her private bankers.
Q7 – Jenny has filed for bail on the kidnapping charge. What if she is successful and is released? Will the Administration then not look silly for coddling her?
A. The Government has charged Jenny with a second offense of plunder so she should be back in jail once the Ombudsman establishes probable cause.
B. This is not the first time the Government has looked silly.
C. Life is not always fair.
Q8 -Would the better option not be to throw Jenny in jail with hardened inmates to get her to testify?
A. See 1. A-C above.
B. Jenny would have sought confinement in Makati Medical.
C. The prosecutors know what they are doing. Look how well they have done with the Ampatuans.
Q9 – Is it true Jenny has close contacts in Malacanang?
A. When she last spoke to him Exec. Sec. Ochoa told her he knows nothing of the scam.
B. The President’s picture with Jenny was photo-shopped.
C. PNoy only asked Jenny once if her daughter dated older men.
Q10 – Plunder charges have been filed against a total of 37 Senators, ex-Congressmen and their staff. Will they also be royally housed if the Ombudsman finds probable cause?
A. Lawmakers will be accorded the same treatment as Erap, GMA and Misuari. Ditto for staff who are serious offenders.
B. Their doctors have said they need to be confined in Makati Medical.
C. It depends if jails are full at the time.
Q11 -What are prosecutors prepared to offer the 37 co-accused in a plea bargain?
A. Suspended sentences in return for restitution of monies plus interest and permanent ban from public office.
B. Death by social media.
C. A Groupon discount with Atty. Lorna Kapunan.
Q12 – Some leading members of the Liberal Party have been linked to the pork scam but have not been charged. Are the accusations against Enrile, Revilla and Estrada politically motivated?
A. The Government is non-partisan, the evidence speaks for itself.
B. Hey, Binay has not been charged.
C. Is the Pope Catholic?
Q13 – The scams involved several Government agencies. Why have their heads not resigned or been charged?
A. The offenses were committed under the GMA Government.
B. Their offenses are below the P50 million needed for plunder.
C. Their replacements could be worse. Better the evil that we know.
Q14 – Will the President use his majority in the Senate and the House to oust the accused lawmakers?
A. The Senate and the House can decide this for themselves in the same way they decided, without presidential prompting, to impeach CJ Corona.
B. The lawmakers are innocent until proven guilty.
C. The President has nothing to do with any of this.
Congratulations: If you correctly answered 75% of the questions you can be President of the Philippines.